30x30| #26: Assistant Funeral Director
What my strangest job taught me about life
I’ve learned through trial and error not to bring up how I used to work at a funeral home on first dates. I’ve found that 3rd or 4th dates are the optimal time to drop this fun fact.
Truth is, while others find it bizarre and maybe even concerning, I really loved my year working at a funeral home. I wasn’t too keen on the formaldehyde smell or dead bodies around… but I was fascinated by the eulogies that people gave at the services.
As a “sociologist” (can I claim this? It was my major in college) and generally curious person, I always love to hear people talk about things and people that matter to them.
My role at the funeral home included setting up for viewing hours, acting as a pallbearer for church and graveside services, stopping traffic to start the funeral procession, and occasionally picking up and transporting bodies from the hospital or homes to the morgue or crematorium.
While I know some of this sounds, by definition, morbid, I have never had a job that inspired me to live more.
To have death so front of mind, made me constantly appreciate how amazing it is just to be alive. I was also incredibly inspired by the kind things people would say while eulogizing their loved ones.
Of the countless eulogies I had the honor of listening in on, three key themes came through:
Regret that they didn’t have more time
Gratitude for the special times they shared
Legacy or how the person will live on
Regret
Many people spoke about how they wish they had visited more or how they were so looking forward to this coming summer at the lake house with Grandpa and wish they had seen him one last time before he died.
Gratitude
Another common theme was gratefulness for all the amazing times shared. A brother once shared about the wild times that they had as reckless teenagers breaking all the rules on summer nights. A grand-daughter shared through teary eyes how she would always remember her Grandmother’s kind and comforting presence.
Legacy
I loved hearing people share how they believed their loved ones would live on. One particularly beautiful story was about a special bond between sisters that related in some way to a butterfly. After her sister died, the woman shared that a butterfly visited her garden for several days in a row and even sat on her shoulder. She said she knew it was her sister saying everything would be okay.
Hearing all of these different eulogies left me with a few key lessons:
Don’t wait until someone dies to share with them what you love about them.
Don’t wait until someone dies to wish you had spent more time with them.
Don’t wait until someone dies to tell them how they’ve impacted your life.
You never know how much time anyone has left so, when someone you love dies, make sure what is said during their eulogy is repetitive — because you’ve already said it to them over and over again.