Finding Love in the Era of Rom-Coms
It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m watching the classic rom-com ‘Notting Hill’, alone. It’s always been my dream to bring Emma Watson to a friends’ dinner party just as Hugh Grant brought Julia Roberts to his. Yet of course, this is not possible in “real life”. Right?
I’ve been watching rom-coms my whole life and expecting my life to play out in a similar way. It usually hasn’t. But don’t get me wrong – sometimes it has.
I’ve actually been lucky enough to have probably more than my fair share of rom-com-esk experiences in my 31 years here on earth. From a moonlight swim in the rain with my high school prom date, to slow dancing in the snow with my freshman crush, to strolling around the street markets of Paris hand in hand, to watching the sunset on a tropical beach far away with a real life mermaid I’d met on holiday (read my other stories for context on this one).
Yet, could these experiences have made things worse?
They re-affirmed the ideas that these rom-coms had entrenched in my mind from a young age – they made be believe in the equivalent of a grown-up fairytale. Conflict-free, magical, and movie-like romances requiring no compromises and having little to no depth.
Yet, as I’ve heard, “real” love isn’t like that. It’s riddled with challenges, arguments, and ups and downs. It’s messy. There are still magical moments, but they’re diluted by the realities of “real life” and the challenges that come with choosing to share your life with someone.
So what’s the choice I’m left with?
To enjoy the short-term, magical moments that make my life feel like a rom-com movie for a brief moment in time or…
To forgo the possibility of these moments and buckle up for the challenges of a “real” relationship?
Of course, I’m over simplifying here as neither of those things are easy to come by. For the former, you have to be in the right place at the right time and the stars basically have to align perfectly. And for the latter, I would need to like someone enough to want to spend my whole life with them AND they’d have to feel the same way about me. Impossible! What are the odds of that?!
And yet, couple after couple walk down the aisle. These people have chosen to spend their one singular, precious existence on this earth with primarily this one other person – and vice versa.
Are you kidding me?!
Let me be clear, I’m not trying to judge others as I love and support people finding each other and choosing to spend their lives together. Great for them… (just kidding with the sarcasm, I genuinely wish everyone in a relationship the best). But how can they know?! It is unfathomable to me that I could feel confident enough about loving someone that I’d choose them over every one of the 7.7 billion other people that exist on earth at this moment in time. Conversely, I also have a hard time trusting anyone who would choose me over these billions of others given my many many flaws.
Am I crazy for feeling that this seems like a pretty gigantic decision that a lot of people seem to make pretty casually? Am I missing something? How are these people sure that they’ve found “the one” conveniently nearby at their college, job, etc.? Have I been overly influenced by the Hollywood rom-com meet-cutes? Will I be waiting forever in the rain for someone that isn’t coming?
I frequently wonder if I’m just different from everyone else. I overthink everything and am a hopeless romantic which is essentially a foolish optimist. Yet, I can’t help myself from thinking this way.
They often say, “when you know, you know” which, first off, is incredibly annoying advice. It’s like not even advice, advice. It’s like asking how long to cook the chicken and someone answering, “you’ll know” and then everyone getting salmonella.
I digress.
Yet anytime that I have felt that “I knew” for sure, I’ve been 100% wrong. I’ve wanted to marry people before, even nearly moved in with someone once. And yet, in retrospect, I know I was so right to call things off.
To further complicate things, many if not all of the people I’ve dated and ended things with, have gone on to have beautiful love stories, elaborate weddings, even children. They have built beautiful lives without me and I honestly believe they’re way better off than if we had stayed together.
So again I ask, where does this leave me? What should I do?
Should I go on endless dates asking “so how many siblings do you have?” and “what do you like to do for fun?” hoping to find “the one” that way, or should I stay single to be available for the magical meet-cute opportunity that may or may not ever arrive?
As far as I’m concerned, I guess I’ll just keep on living life and following things that interest me. Hopefully, I’ll meet someone along the way who I do fall in love with and we will mutually choose to spend our lives together. Yet from where I’m sitting now, that seems like a long shot.
I suppose we’ll see.
So, in conclusion, thanks a lot Hollywood for another single Valentine’s Day. But –and I mean this genuinely despite my snarky, sarcastic prior thank you– thanks for the beautiful film that is, ‘Notting Hill’. It’s an absolute classic and I love it.